because i am (not) a scholar...

after two weeks of working, i am starting to see why things are the way they are. i am beginning to recognize my place in the grander scheme of things, and understand the "logic" of the corporate world.

am i resigned to it?

i am not sure.

"cover your own ass" has always been the survival mantra of any employee anywhere, and it will always be true. and it is repeatedly being drummed into me "never commit unless you really, really have to". well, not that it's a bad thing anyway.

but then again, i am slightly perturbed by the word "scholar". in the olden days in China, scholars are highly revered and intelligent people who enjoy great privileges and easy ascension to high-level posts of officials. and it seems, the same still applies today. well, it's not that i am jealous, nor am i being arrogant or proud, but sometimes, i wonder, why can't i become one? i guess i possess most, if not all, of the qualities to become one, except for the fact that i studied in NTU and not some famed college like Harvard or Cambridge or Chicago.

it is so tempting to blame it on my family's financial constraints, that studying overseas, or even just stepping beyond the shores, was something unthinkable in my family. but then i hear and read of stories of those who came from poor backgrounds but have made it big in life. and i wonder, can i make it big too? (now, don't be misunderstood, for i do not want to be successful so i can splurge on myself, but it is for the sake of my future children, if i have any, that i want to be able to provide generously)

allow me to just sidetrack for a little bit, if you notice, scholars are basically those who were awarded scholarships to study in prestigious universities in the UK and the US. yet, our very own universities are said to be of a certain quality, with NUS enjoying its place among the top universities in the world. how many scholars or the top position holders are from NUS or NTU? why then, the preference for scholars from overseas universities? are local universities not good enough? i guess it would be interesting to find out the reason why.

anyway, back to what i was saying, because i am not a scholar, i am not sure if i can make it big one day. i hope i can, and a part of me believe that i can. but do scholars really have it different?

well, because i am not a scholar...

m.